What’s Become of Me?

Lately I’m wondering what’s become of me.   I’m not the guy I used to be, and I’m a little uncomfortable in that realization.  I’ve been in self-denial for quite some time now, but I think in the spirit of transparency, it’s time to admit it – I’m becoming a wimp.

I always liked to think of myself and to project the image of being a strong-minded, tough, take-no-prisoners type of guy.  I was fearless, cool in combat; I was confident that my soldiers trusted me, would go anywhere and face any odds with me.  I wore my green beret proudly in some of the sleaziest bars in Fayetteville, daring anyone to try to take it from me.

I’m the guy who didn’t flinch 57 years ago while balancing on the orchestra pit railing and belting out “On the Wings of a Dove” at the Winthrop Junior Follies with the orchestra conductor viciously striking me in the back with his baton and security rushing down the aisle to try to apprehend me.   I’m the guy who many times in the 60’s challenged danger by climbing the sheer rock face of Mt Satulah with no rope, no pitons, and wearing boots and plaid bermuda shorts (see photo); some of you accompanied me on those adventures.

And now look at me (see other photo).  I”m an old man in a batman hat.  Instead of watching MMA and Ultimate Fighting on TV, I’m watching Llama Llama.  With Grandma gone this weekend, I could have watched anything I wanted on TV.  Friday night I watched the movie, “Beauty and the Beast.”  Saturday night I watched the movie version of “Cinderella” – not the animated version, the one with real people.  Every time a commercial came on I would ask myself, “What the hell are you doing?”  But I never changed the channel.  It was really exciting when they were speeding away from the ball at the castle, trying to get back before midnight, and the carriage started changing back into a pumpkin and the horses started changing back into mice while struggling to pull that huge pumpkin a little bit farther.

Haleigh’s cat, Jessabelle, who has adopted us, likes to jump up in Grandma’s lap while we’re watching TV each night.  Last night, with Grandma gone, Jessabelle jumped up into my lap.  The surprising thing is that I didn’t panic; I just sat there like a wimp (some might use a common term for the female anatomy to describe me).   And then this morning at 8 o’clock I went out in a pouring rain to go to the grocery store to buy cat food – no one even told me to.  I’ll be glad when Grandma gets home so that damn cat will quit thinking I care about her.

I even calmly went out and shooed a squirrel off my back deck the other day without shooting at him with my BB gun.

On a serious note, it was good to see several Deacs at John Ellenberg’s visitation yesterday, some coming from as far away as the Greensboro area (T Lee).  We look forward to seeing all you guys and many more at the Deacathon in May, and we hope that some of John’s family can join us.