The Sleep Lab

Louise has been telling me that she thinks I have sleep apnea and that she’s afraid I’m going to quit breathing altogether while I’m asleep.  I’ve never thought that nor worried about it.  But I made the mistake of mentioning it to my primary care physician at my latest visit to the VA outpatient clinic in Anderson.  He gave me a set of papers that contained a two-week sleep study and told me to complete the study and mail it in.  It also had questions about my sleep habits and my lifestyle.  I completed the study, filled out the questionnaire, and sent it in, thinking that this being the Veterans Administration, I would most likely never hear anything more about it.  Wrong.  

On Tuesday of this week, at about 2 PM, I got a call from Dorn VA Hospital in Columbia saying they wanted to schedule my appointment.  I had also recently applied for increased VA disability and was expecting an appointment with a doctor to evaluate me for these new claims, so I naturally assumed that this was that appointment.  Wrong again.  

The lady who called asked when would be a good time for me to come in.  I explained that I would be out of the country during the holidays, so early January would be good.  To this, she replied, “How about tonight?”  

“TONIGHT??”  I said in disbelief.

“Yes, you need to be here at 7:30.”

“I don’t think tonight will work for me,”  I said.  Technically, I could easily get there by 7:30, but I was just not prepared to drop everything and immediately strike out for Columbia.  

“Okay,” she replied, “we have an opening for tomorrow night.”

Not having a ready excuse for tomorrow night and figuring I should go ahead and get it done, I told her that would work..  When I asked where I was to report, she said something about a sleep lab and gave me a street address.  She explained that it was right across from the Dorn VA Hospital.  When I asked if I would be staying overnight, she said,  “Oh yes (as if that was a stupid question), and bring your sleep attire and toilet articles.”

After I hung up, it started to dawn on me that this had nothing to do with my disability claim.  So, yesterday evening I drove to Columbia with the address on my phone.  After getting a bite to eat, I got to the address at 7 PM.  There were no signs identifying the building and not a prominent driveway into it, so I drove past it three times before identifying it.  There was only one other victim there.  The receptionist gave me another  questionnaire to fill out,  which was virtually the same info I had previously mailed in, and she took me to my bedroom.  The room was equipped with a bed, a lounge chair, another small chair, dressing table, and a night table with a strange-looking machine.  Also, hanging on a bar, were about 40 thin wires.   Oh, and up near the ceiling in the far corner was a TV (about 14″ diagonal).

The receptionist asked me what time I normally go to bed, and I told her, “around 10 or 11.”  She said that was good, because my technician wasn’t due in until 10.  Fortunately, I had brought a book with me, as I was unable to adequately see or hear the TV.

So, shortly after 10, my technician arrived.  His name was Andy, or Randy, or Barry (I’m pretty sure it ended in y), and he was much too cheerful for my liking.  He said, “Okay, so they briefed you on what we’re going to do, right?”

“I have no idea what we’re going to do,” I responded.  Actually, I had seen a video of the process, thanks to my pal, Frank Cox, but I didn’t want to let him off so easy.

He explained the procedure while he was hooking me up to the 40 wires, a stomach belt, a chest belt, and a band around my head.  He even glued 3 wires to the top of my head, hair and all.  Every part of my body had wires hooked to it (well, almost every part).  He even measured my head from all angles and complimented me on the roundness of my head (I felt like Charlie Brown).  He also measured my neck, which was 17 1/2 inches.  This explains why all my size 16 shirts have been feeling so tight.  I was surprised when he told me that he would be across the hall where the monitor was and that he would be watching me all night.    “If you need anything, just sit up in bed, and I’ll be right in,” he said.  I felt like a squid with all the wires dangling from me.  It was difficult just getting into the bed.  When I finally got settled in bed, he turned out the lights and went to his monitor across the hall to test the system.  Even in the dark, cameras on the ceiling captured every move I made, surprisingly even the movement of my eyes.  He had me look right, left, up and down, and to blink my eyes – he saw it all.  I found it a little unsettling that someone was going to see every move I made during the night, not that I was going to do anything inappropriate, but, just the same.  

As you might expect, I didn’t sleep well at all.  I was scared to move for fear of pulling a wire loose, and just the bulkiness of all those wires (most of them leading down my back) made movement difficult.  I know that I sleep better on my side and that whatever apnea I might have is when I try to sleep on my back.  I wake up frequently during the night and usually roll over to the other side when I do wake up.  Last night was nearly impossible to change positions with all the wires, so I tried not to move, but this made me more aware that I was stuck in an uncomfortable position.  In addition to that,  my bed only had a cover sheet and one thin blanket, so I was cold.  I gutted it out until 3 AM and then called out to Andy/Randy/Barry that I needed another blanket.  He was there within a minute with a blanket.  All in all, I figure I maybe got 3-4 hours of sleep, and very tentative sleep at that.  Oh, what things I have to do for my wife!  So, if your spouse tells you that you might have sleep apnea, you’ve been forewarned.  

By the way, when I told Louise, who is in San Francisco, that I was going to have an overnight sleep test, her comment was, “Well, be sure to get a pedicure before you go.”  Right (see previous post, “The Mother of all Pedicures”)

He finally put me out of my misery at 5:30, when he bounced in, still much too cheerful, and told me I was through and I did real well.  If I did well, I would hate to see the guy who had difficulty with this nightmare.  The bottom line is that I do have some apnea, but everyone has some according to Andy/Randy/Barry.   The EENT doctor will schedule me for an appointment to discuss options.  He said she may invite me to come back for another sleepover to try out the CPAP machine with mask.

“Don’t hold your breath,” Andy/Randy/Barry.