Listening to Leigh

There are times when I just feel like I need to hear her voice again.  I can do that by pulling out some of the cassette tapes we used for her to dictate her story to me.  That’s how we started the book, Finding Strong.   The hardest times for me, and I think for the rest of the family as well, are the days leading up to the holiday season.  Not just because she died a week before Christmas day, but also because we miss her voice and her laughter at that, her favorite time of year.  So, as we go into this holiday season, I want to share some Leigh-isms with you in the hope that they might inspire someone as they inspire me.  All of these quotes can be found in  Finding Strong; some might be seen on T-shirts and sweatshirts, especially in the Boone area.

On competitive running (but would apply to any competition):

My greatest fear stepping on the starting line of a race was not whether I would run the time I wanted or expected to run and not whether I would win the race.  What I knew would disappoint me was giving up at any point during the race.  And, of course, I would be the only one who would know.  Giving in to the pain and discomfort and settling for less than my capabilities was the part of racing that scared me most. . . . And usually if I followed this strategy, the results would take care of themselves.

On running as therapy:

I love to run.  Running has always been a way for me to feel powerful and exhilarated. . . . . Even on my training runs, I try to set a pace that few people can do; and I, mentally, will my body to go beyond the limits of the normal human body.  Running on my terms feels so good. . . . Running has always served as a form of meditation for me: a time when I can escape my thoughts, or a time when I can think through my thoughts.  But either way, when I finish my run, whether I was worried about something or stressed about something, the physical exertion helps me either to let go of some of that tension, or the thinking that I did on the run helps me to work through whatever it was I needed to work through.

On victimization and recovery:

When I talk about being a victim, I speak in the past tense.  I was a victim.  But from the moment I escaped, I became a stronger, tougher, and more confident person.  People often ask me where this strength comes from and how I found the strength to move forward.  But the way I saw it and continue to see it, I had no choice.  This is what survivors do; I was a victim only in that car, but no longer.  It didn’t make sense for me to have survived, only to give up on life in the days and years that followed.  I made a choice to continue to live my life; but now, I was living with a renewed sense of life’s importance and my power to control my own fate.

On being a survivor:

Be a survivor for a better today and tomorrow and do not remain a victim of yesterday.  Acknowledge your victimization and accept it, but then make the decision to move on and grow from the trauma.  Find renewed strength and courage as you take the steps to regain control of your life.  You do have the strength to do this.  Commit to believing that no one can take away your belief in yourself and your strength unless you let them.  Empower yourself with the belief that life can be good.  And then pick up the pieces and live the life that you deserve.  You are stronger than you think.

On self-respect:

I am spirit manifest within this strong, healthy, and beautiful physical body.  Honor that which rests within me.

On inspiring others:

I don’t know . . . I guess I just  love to inspire people.  I love to see the light go on when someone realizes that being strong is one of the greatest feelings in the world. . .  and to know that running makes you just as strong mentally as it does physically.  To know that no matter what life’s circumstances are and no matter how hard the world may seem to be trying to hold you back, our own personal strength and belief in ourselves is something that no one can take away without our permission.  I  believe this more than I believe anything and am committed to helping others believe it too.

My grief is somewhat eased by the knowledge that she still inspires thousands of people, many who never knew her.

Happy Thanksgiving to all my friends and may you all have a glorious Christmas season full of love and laughter.