Borrowed Wisdom

If you’ve read Finding Strong, you know it was not written solely by Leigh and myself.  I wanted input from other immediate family members.  I’m also realizing that it might be useful, actually better, to get other family input on this blog.  We (the family) were all devastated when Leigh died, but I was especially concerned for Leigh’s daughter, Haleigh, who was only 16 years old at the time.  Haleigh has had some very difficult times since Leigh’s death, but I couldn’t be prouder of her for how she has taken control of her life over the past couple of years.  As you’ll see from the post below written by Haleigh, she has a wisdom beyond her age and beyond what one would expect from anyone who has experienced what she has experienced.

Here is some borrowed wisdom from my beautiful granddaughter, Haleigh:

“I remember thinking that the overwhelming grief would never go away.  I thought that every second of every day, I would just be doing my best to hold back tears and keep it together.  I thought that I wouldn’t be able to do anything that reminded my of my mom without a heavy blanket of sadness just covering my whole body.  I thought that if I ever DID think of my mom and not get teary eyed, then that meant I had forgotten her, so I wouldn’t allow myself to feel anything other than just sad.  I thought I needed to bask in the depression to keep the memories as vivid as possible.  Almost 6 years later, I’m finally ok.  I don’t mean I’m ok like I’m not sad anymore, or I don’t miss her anymore.  It’s still unbearable at times, and I still cry myself to sleep while looking at pictures of her when I’m having a rough day.  BUT I go to the gym 5-6 days a week, I go to Boone every now and then and even stop by Watauga, I wear her wedding ring.  I carry her Burt’s Bees chapstick around and even wear it sometimes, I wear Japanese cherry blossom lotion which smells exactly like her, I scroll through her Facebook page almost every day and don’t cry, I sing her favorite songs in the car with the volume all the way up, I dance ridiculously and laugh at myself … I guess these ramblings are meant to prove that there is a light at the end of the tunnel.  If you have lost someone close to you, whether they have passed on, or just moved on and aren’t a part of your life, TRUST the process.  Trust that your grief is healthy, and don’t do anything drastic because you think it will take the pain away.  Drugs can’t, suicide can’t, unhealthy eating habits can’t, toxic relationships can’t. . . . nothing but time can heal you.  And I promise it will happen.  One day you’ll wake up and you won’t be sad that you can’t tell that person good morning anymore; you’ll smile because you had the chance to tell them good morning at all.”

Thanks, Haleigh, for allowing me to share those words.  You’re exactly right, and you continue to inspire me.

Haleigh is doing very well now.  Much like her mom, she has become a gym rat.  She is also engaged to a fine man, a former RANGER, of whom we are all proud.  Her fiance, Rob Parker, is also her fitness trainer.

Haleigh and Rob

Leigh, Jacob, Chris, and Haleigh shortly before Leigh died.